Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
