I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
