There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
