chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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