NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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