I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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