Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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