So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
