so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
