I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Someone came in the potted fern
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
