last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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