If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
