Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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