I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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