Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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