i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
