We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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