I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
