In America we eat man semen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
