Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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