In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
