marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
