Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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