Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
