my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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