there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
