If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
