how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
