well you can't waste a boner
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
