No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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