i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
