Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
