I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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