she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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