that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
