Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
