Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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