You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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