u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
