I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
