Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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