you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
