I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
