In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
