she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
