I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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