is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
