It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
