He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
MIDGETS
????
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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