we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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